Days Until 20

Thursday, October 2, 2014

30 Days of Discipline Day 3

I fucked up yesterday.

Halfway through my to-do list, I decided I was going to "take a break," and begn messing around the internet, not doing much of anything.

Suddenly it was 8 o'clock at night and I still had half of my to-do list not done.

I got most of the important items done, but I still did not finish every item (including my 30 Day's post) by the time 12:30 in the morning rolled around. It was then I decided to call it quits and go to bed.

Today I woke up at 1 in the afternoon with a major head ache and a sore throat. I don't even have a to-do list written yet.

By deciding that I "deserved a break" after doing a little bit of my to-do list yesterday, I lost whatever momentum I had going for me coming out of my spectacularly scored 10 out of 11 day yesterday. Even without the slightly feverish cold I am experiencing, my past self has put my present self in a very shitty position.

Had I done well yesterday, the only thing in my way would have been a slightly feverish cold. Now, on top of the serious amount of friction I have to overcome, I have a slightly feverish cold.

How selfish of past me. Past me is kind of a dick.

Let's take a look at what past me accomplished yesterday

Habit 1: No Snacking

I don't think past me even ate a real meal yesterday. All he ate was snack foods.

Habit 2: Get up at 5AM

Even though past me got up at 6:45 yesterday, he had the alarm set for 6... Since I let myself sleep in, getting up earlier doesn't count.

Habit 3: Cold Showers Only!

At least past me started off the day right with a cold shower after 50 pushups, situps, and bodysquats.

Habit 4: No Masturbation

Even when past me was dicking around on the internet (pun intended), the thought didn't pop up in my mind.

Habit 5: 100 Pushups, Situps, and Bodysquats

Past me only did 50 today. Didn't do the last half before bed.

Habit 6: Dress Your Best

Past me got dressed right away after my shower, as usual.

Habit 7: Finish Your To-Do List

Past me lost my momentum and did not get many things done. However, I noticed I was also adding things on throughout the day. This is how I got massive, 15-20 item lists that I could harldy accomplish in the past. I need to resist this urge and just do what's on the list first before thinking about adding more items.

Habit 8: Keep Prideful Posture

Past me actually managed this, even when "on break." These posture exercises are probably the reason that I am not feeling so depressed about fucking up. This is a very nice change of pace.

Habit 9: Yes or No Answers to Yes or No Questions

Past me actually accomplished this! It's strange. I can feel myself gaining just the slightest bit of self-respect every time I decline to do things just because someone else wants me to do them. Not being a doormat feels pretty damn good.

Habit 10: Carry a Notebook and Pen Everywhere

Past and present me both love this little notebook. I love being able to secure my thought and ideas onto paper as opposed to letting them be thought and forgotten.

Habit 11: Move Towards Your Own Goal

Past me made sure this was one of the first things I did on my to-do list. However, I underestimated the turn-around time what it will take to get the product comepletely put together, so I am doubting that it will be finished this Saturday. I will do everything in my power to get it done on or before Monday.

So... How did past me do?

7 out of 11

Not terrible, actually. I was expecting far worse. Still, I should have gotten all 11 done yesterday.

Yesterday's lesson for me was definitely a show of how easily and quickly momentum can be destroyed and even turned around into an opposing force.

Let's see if present me can dig myself out of this hole.

I'll see ya'll on the other side.

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

30 Days of Discipline (Again) Day 2

I actually feel like I did pretty good today. I got a lot more done today than I have recently. In fact, I'm in line to knock out one of my remaining 19 goals tomorrow! Will definitely be posting about that soon.

I also managed to find my state thanks to Mike and D&P. 

I feel good. Things are looking up. 

Let's see how I did today

Habit 1: No Snacking

I skipped breakfast this morning and ate only two meals. One was larger than it needed to be, but I ate no snacks today.

Habit 2: Get up at 5AM

I woke up at 7 today. I am still considering this a victory. I am going to get up earlier tomorrow.

Habit 3: Cold Showers Only!

The water is getting colder now that fall is here. Looking forward to gritting my teeth through the winter this year.

Habit 4: No Masturbation

I didn't even think about it.

Habit 5: 100 Pushups, Situps, and Bodysquats

Did all 100 today. I did half the workout in the morning, and I just finished the other half of it.

Habit 6: Dress Your Best

I dressed like I gave a fuck right after my shower this morning.

Habit 7: Finish Your To-Do List

I got it all done today. I kept it shorter than usual. Only 9 things today, as opposed to the 15 I usually have. I tend to overestimate what I can do, so I think I will stick to shorter to-do lists from now on.

Habit 8: Keep Prideful Posture

I kept this up all day! I constantly was up out of my chair doing the posture exercise that Mike shows off, and I made an effort to keep a straight back throughout the day.

Habit 9: Yes or No Answers to Yes or No Questions

I really want to say that I did this all today, but I cannot say it for sure. I have a sneaking suspicion that I lost this frame when I went to the store today and needed help finding some items.

Habit 10: Carry a Notebook and Pen Everywhere

Done. Even when I went into the store. Got a few more awesome ideas written down.

Habit 11: Move Towards Your Own Goal

I've been talking alot about these "business ideas" that I proclaim to be working on. I could totally be bullshitting you and just saying this to look good on my own blog. 

However, I have a goal to have finished my first tangible "product" for this business by this Saturday. I made good progress on it today, and if I can keep up the pace, I will be able to put it up for all 12 readers to see!

Hopefully by then you will trust that I am legitimately trying to do shit in my real life, not trust trying to gain face on a faceless blog.

So. How'd I do?

Overall Score: 10 out of 11

I feel good about this, but I am not celebrating. I must remain cautious. I feel like I have a lot going for me right now. My relationships are all in a good place at the moment, and I have forced out negativity from my thoughts for the time being.

But I know how quickly this can all go to shit. 

Tomorrow I might get dumped, my parents might kick me out, and I'll begin to hate myself all over again.

It seems like my ups are UP, and my downs are seriously down. I am feeling up, but I am only 2 days into this potentially 200 day 30 Days of Discipline run. 

The true test is to get this high a score on days that I don't feel like doing anything.

We'll see how far I get.

Monday, September 29, 2014

30 Days of Discipline (Again) Day 1

Today was an absolute shit 30 Days day. I was completely unprepared for doing anything productve. My shitty behaviours have themselves gained momentum by me allowing them back into my life unchallenged. 

I do not want to list the habits that I did and didn't do. It's embarrasing. But I'm going to list them anyways. 

Habit 1: No Snacking

I ate three times today, and while that is technically allowed in 30 Days of Discipline, most of what I ate were snack foods.

Habit 2: Get up at 5AM

I woke up at 7 today. This is technically the latest you are allowed to get up. Seeing as the previous day I had woken up at noon, this is a small victory.

Habit 3: Cold Showers Only!

Cold showers are all I take, even when I fuck up.

Habit 4: No Masturbation

I hardly even thought of this today. This is a habit that I more or less have under control in my opinion.

Habit 5: 100 Pushups, Situps, and Bodysquats

The extent of my workout today was 10 pullups.

Habit 6: Dress Your Best

I eventually dressed productively, but for half of the day I was in sweats. This was not a victory.

Habit 7: Finish Your To-Do List

I only got half way through before I allowed myself to indulge in sloth...

Habit 8: Keep Prideful Posture

I think I corrected myself more times today than in thepast week, but becuase I spent the majority of my time hunched over my keyboard anyways, I do not count this as a victory.

Habit 9: Yes or No Answers to Yes or No Questions

Surprisingly I actually managed this. I was asked multiple yes/no questions, and I gave immediate yes/no answers to them all.

Habit 10: Carry a Notebook and Pen Everywhere

Scraping the bottom of the barrell with this one. I had it within arms reach all day, and I even wrote down ideas in it... Still, this is a pretty "easy" habit to get into, especially compared to all the rest of the habits. I honestly don't feel like I deserve to cross this out on the list.

Habit 11: Move Towards Your Own Goal

I wrote some stuff down in my commonplace, but it was not the goal I had written down on my to-do list,so I do not feel I deserve to cross this out today.

Overall Score: 6 out of 11

That's bullshit.

There's no way.

If I can get this high a "score" on a day that I hardly did anything, there's absolutely no reason that I shouldn't be whooping this program's ass.

That's kind of embarrasing, honestly.

Maybe this really isn't as hard as I madeit out to be originally...

Fuck, man.

1 Step Forward, 2 Steps Back

To date I have attempted 30 Days of Discipline 8 times. Every single 30 Days of Discipline run I have ever attempted ends up the same exact way. 

It usually happens very early, within the first week. I'll mess up just one day, get angry, upset, depressed, and totally shut down any semblence of productive behaviour I may have at one time possessed.

Instead my behaviour reverts to the disgusting neckbeard part of myself that I absolutely loathe. 

I lock myself in my room eating junk and playing videogames for hours on end.

The sad part? I had just gotten over a breakdown like this not more than 7 days ago.

It's exceedingly frusturating.

It feels like I'm driving through a fucking bog. 

After exerting enough effort I'll drive myself out of a rut, go forward a few feet, then get stuck in a puddle of mud. 

It's felt like this for the past 2 years.

I try my best to channel the awesome and inspired part of myself whenever I write my blogposts. Presentation is everything. I don't want to sound like the whiny boy I feel like most of the time. 

I also do not wish to display any sort of negativity to whomever might be reading this.

But I also said that I was going to spill my guts out on this blog. I'd be a liar if I didn't publish this post (though I am sorely tempted not too).

Alright, enough bitching.

What am I going to do about?

I figure the only way you can drive out of a bog is to keep on fucking driving.

I could analyze myself, try and figure out why I keep failing, and try to address that particular issue. But I've been trying to do that for years.  That's what has kept me from attempting 30 Days of Discipline relentlessly.

In 2 years time I've only attempted 30 Days 8 times. I could have attempted it 90 times since then. If I had even attempted it once a month I would have attempted it 48 times total. A measly 8 attempts is next to nothing.

From now on, every day is a 30 Days of Discipline day.

There are 233 days until I turn 20. If it takes me 233 days to finish 30 Days of Discipline, then fuck it - it takes me 233 days to finish 30 Days of Discipline.

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

30 Days of Discipline Day 2

Today was much less productive than yesterday. Still, a much more productive day than how I had been spending my days before I started.

Habit 1: No Snacking

Ate 1 large meal. I did, however, eat it earlier than I did last night. I could feel myself slowing down... From now I plan on dinner being one of the last things I do in a day.

Habit 2: Get up at 5AM

Absolutely failed at this one. I let myself snooze until 10 today...

Habit 3: Cold Showers Only!

I actually took 2 cold showers today.

Habit 4: No Masturbation

I actually indulged myself in this today. This could definitely explain my lack of productivity.

Habit 5: 100 Pushups, Situps, and Bodysquats

Two workouts again, and in less total time than yesterday.

Habit 6: Dress Your Best

Dressed in my typical all-black attire.

Habit 7: Finish Your To-Do List

Once again I over-estimated my copy-writing abilities... Tomorrow I will reach my goal.

Habit 8: Keep Prideful Posture

I actually caught myself slouching today and corrected myself every time.

Habit 9: Yes or No Answers to Yes or No Questions

Again, I was not paying attention to how I was interacting with others today.

Habit 10: Carry a Notebook and Pen Everywhere

I had my notebook within's arm reach of me all day today.

Habit 11: Move Towards Your Own Goal

Even though I did not reach my copy-writing goal today, I added another gig on fiverr and expanded my "business" through that.

Overall Score: 7 out of 11

Better than yesterday, but I won't be satisfied until I knock them all out.

Monday, September 22, 2014

30 Days of Discipline - Day 1

For accountability reasons, I have decided that I am going to post a daily 30 Days of Discipline post everyday. I will include an overview of the habits I accomplished, the habits I failed, and brief commentary on the day.

Habit 1: No Snacking

Did not snack once. I ate 1 large meal at the end of the day.

Habit 2: Get up at 5AM

I woke up at 8:15 today... 

Habit 3: Cold Showers Only!

The only kind of shower I take.

Habit 4: No Masturbation

I didn't think twice about it.

Habit 5: 100 Pushups, Situps, and Bodysquats

Split up into two sets - one in the morning, one in the evening.

Habit 6: Dress Your Best

Qualified: In the book Victor's instructions are to dress suit-and-tie, every day. While I do have a suit, it is ill-fitting, and wearing it reminds me of my days stuck behind a cubicle (I had my first office job at 18...). Instead I wear form fitting v-necks, slim-fitting jeans, and a watch that all go well together (hint: they're all black). Dressing like this gives me the same psychological boost that dressing well does anyways, since before I would ounge around in nothing but a pair of sweatpants.

In short, accomplished.

Habit 7: Finish Your To-Do List

Finished everything but one item... I seriously over-estimated my copy-writing abilities, and thus my goal for writing  today was not met. 

Habit 8: Keep Prideful Posture

I did not notice myself slouching today, but that does not mean that I accomplished this goal. I need to keep track of this.

Habit 9: Yes or No Answers to Yes or No Questions

My interaction with others was at a minimum today. I cannot recall how I answered questions that may have been directed at me, so I cannot claim to have accomplished this goal today.

Habit 10: Carry a Notebook and Pen Everywhere

Damn straight I did this. I even wrote down a few business ideas in it.

Habit 11: Move Towards Your Own Goal

I have decided to focus on creating an online business for myself. My copywriting goal was a reflection of that choice, but I did not reach it. A no-go for this goal.

Overall Score: 6 out of 11

I can do better.

Sunday, September 21, 2014

The Only Way 30 Days of Discipline Won't Work

30 Days of Discipline is designed to kick your ass up and down the calander for an entire month. At the end of your month, you are guaranteed to have achieved more self-discipline than you had before you started. In fact it's likely that you will have more self-discipline than you've ever had before!

But here's the catch:

 It only fucking works if you make it work!

The only way you get your discipline is by earning it. The only way you earn it is if you do the damn program.

My behaviour this last week was a farcry from what is required from 30 Days. 

The first day was great. I only missed one or two habits.

Day two I missed five habits.

Day three I gave up.

The entire rest of the week I spent in a langour brought on by my own thoughts "you're worthless" and behaviours "Just stay in bed". I got depressed.  I started to binge, eating whatever processed shit I could get my hands on. I walked with hunched shoulders. I stayed in my room. I spent the next three days sleeping and dicking around on the internet. 

Then - finally - I took some advice and stopped digging my hole.

I woke up at 7 this morning, instead of at noon.

I stopped eating. I haven't eaten in the past 20 hours.

I broke my isolation by spending time with my girl, which cheered me up considerably.

Tomorrow I'm taking another swing at it. 

And this time I'll remember.