Monthly Review

Today is the last day of August first day of September. While this site hasn't been up for a month, I want to get in the habit of doing a monthly review of myself and make sure I'm on track to meet or exceed each one of my goals. 

Two weeks ago I was wasting time with porn, videogames, and endless Netflix binges. I had allowed myself to stagnate, and as I result I was sinking into depression. 

While I have stumbled a bit these past two weeks, I am maintaining course. At the very least I've established where I want to go. 

If I'm being completely honest with myself, right now I lack true vigor for attaining these goals. I have yet to obtain the obsession I had once before. Very often I must force myself to act in line with my goals. My actions are forced; my heart is not in it. But I know in time this will get easier. My fire will grow. I will once again become obsessed. 

I have faith.

For now, all I can do is keep grinding. Everything's a slog. Even a rebirth.

Image source.

Defeat is Temporary

I lost some momentum this week. 

I let myself lose some momentum, and I know it. I talked myself out of going to the gym and eating junk. 

"I've been doing pretty good. I can take a day off, it wont hurt," I told myself in a feeble attempt to justify my actions. Even though I rationalized my decision, I knew it was bullshit. Cognitive dissonance was quickly acheived.

Processed foods are filled with all sorts  of nasty chemicals, added for flavour and as preservatives. If eating fruits and veggies make you less depressed, it's not a stretch to infer that the opposite is true, and without a workout, my body was not treated to it's daily dose of dopamine. With nothing to combat the toxicity of the junk I ate, I was in a noticeably darker mood the next day. 

I put myself in the perfect position for my black dog to rear it's ugly head, and it did so gladly and ruthelessly.

Negative thoughts spiraled through my mind. Who am I to think I deserve better than average? I am average! I'm below average! Do I really believe a silly little blogger site will change anything for me? It's all a waste. I should stop now, before I embarress myself...

Fuck that!

Days like this are going to happen. There will always be good days and bad days. I should expect this sort of thing, especially right now, early in this quest for self-accomplishment. Objects at rest tend to stay at rest. Right now I'm fighting a brain heavily entrenched in homeostasis.

I am simply experiencing friction.

Napolean Hill taught me that the most common cause of failure is giving up when met with a temporary defeat. All defeats are temporary. The road to success is littered with failure. The only true failure is giving up.

I'm not giving up.

HTML

This entire post was written in raw Hyper-Text Markup Language.

Log of Learning

I am 20 pages in HTML and CSS. Page 20 is the first page with code on it.

HTML is actually rather simple to understand. Of course, I am still very new to it. The only tags I have utilized so far are the paragraph, body, heading, bold, and italic tags.
I've also learned about strong tags, and tags for emphasis. These are considered semantic markup, and even though they are bolded and italicized, they are used mostly for the benefit they might bring for people using screen-readers, or how the information is registered on search engines, and should not be used for their visible effect on the text.

Today is the 25^th of August. That means the day I started to learn HTML, there were 269 days before I turn 20.

C₂H₆0 is truly a miracle substance.
Many attribute Benjamin Franklin to saying Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. While it makes for good shop-lore for micro brewers of America, in reality Benjamin Franklin said this:

Behold the rain which descends from heaven upon our vineyards, there it enters the roots of the vines, to be changed into wine, a constant proof that God loves us, and loves to see us happy.

Black Science Guy is an American astrophysicist, popular for being a science guy and being black at the same time.

NASA has done some crazy space shit. Like Sputnik. That shit was crazy.

The following information is true false: This statment is false true.

Wow.

This page has quickly deteriorated into nothing but a mis-mash of entirely irrelevant material, scraps of thoughts, and musings that aren't even that original and would serve no purpose anywhere else in this blog. This page is like Frankenstein's Monster, created from the discarded and disused thoughts that run in my head, remnants of the time
weeksaeonsago when I would spend countless hours aimlessly drifting through the interwebs, restlessly flitting between porn sites, wandering the Isle of Funny Junk, exploring the Land of Steam, and curiously training my eyes on the Jungle of 4Chan, walking on the edge but never venturing far into its unknown. I call this peiod of time my Dark Age .

In HTML, there are three types of lists.

1. Ordered Lists
2. Unordered Lists
3. Definition Lists

Ordered Lists

Lists that order listed items numerically

Unordered Lists

Lists that are not ordered, using bullet points in place of numerals

Definition Lists

A list that lists and defines terms, like this one

• This list
• was done
• from memory
• This nested list
• was not
• Still a victory

---

I will be updating this post as I learn more. Here I will document the the tags I learn to use.

6 chapters until CSS! The next chapter is on links

Also, started up on Code Academy today. Learning about links now, just like in chapter 4.

Looking to learn some code yourself? (Opens a new tab.)
Superscripts and subscripts.
Bold, italics.
Headings.
Line breaks and line rules.
Emphasis and strong importance.
Quotes (which don't work in Internet Explorer) and blockquotes, which I think look nicer anyways.
Abbreviation and acronym titles. With HTML 5, acronyms use the same tag as abbreviations.
Citing tags, deleted and inserted content, and defining instances of the first use of a term.
the < s > tag: innacurate information that is no longer true but that should not be deleted.
Lists. This should have taken me half an hour to accomplish. Instead I dragged this out for three days.
Links. Links to other sites, other sites in new tabs, other places on the same site (no example shown), other places on the same page.
Images. Alt text to provide info if the reader cannot view the image for some reason. Title to write what shows up on mouse hover. Can specify width and height. Align tags may show up in older code. Figure and Caption tags used to associate pics with specific captions.

Mindset

My mindset used to be Killer

I found an old essay I wrote for an assignment during my brief period of community college. Let's take a look at the mindset I once held...

Here are some key quotes from it, to give you an idea how I once thought.

" " "

Nothing beats the finality of death. When I lay dead, that's it. There is no more that I can do in this life. I'm done...  I whisper to myself "memento mori" - remember death. This simple reminder reinvigorates my burning desire for accomplishment, and renews my spirits in the war with the entropic forces of Sloth.

      The most important thing to me... is independence... My time is gold. My time is finite. Trading time for an hourly wage is like selling gold for its weight in pennies. The money that I make independently and autonomously is worth ten times the money I that I make as an employee.

     The projects I will pursue will be the projects that I choose  and want to pursue. I will be working towards my vision. That freedom alone is worth the lack of job security and other benefits that comes with being self-employed.

     The soul is restricted by the physical and mental limitations of the human body. By keeping my body healthy, and by extent keeping my mind sharp, I am minimizing the limitations of my body and maximizing the potential output of my soul.

" " "

When I was 18 there was a fire raging inside me, a burning obsession, and I wasn't afraid to show it. This essay was only 1 part of the assignment. The other part was a presentation to the rest of the class.

I stood in front of my peers and told them the exact same thing.

Here are some selected slides from my presentation.

Fun Fact: I created that hourglass from scratch in MS Paint. Pixel Art Skills = l33t

What happened to me? Compared to 18 Year Old me, 19 Year Old me is a fucking pussy.

I was ready to kill. Now I can hardly focuse myself.

Let's get that mindset back.

Books

20 Books to Read Before I Turn 20

     These are the books that are going to make up my reading list for the next 10 months. 20 books in 10 months means about 1 book read every 2 weeks. This may seem a little long, but I also expect to be taking notes and writing a summary for each book as well. 

The books, from left to right.

1) Ceasar: Life of a Colossus 

Thanks to Ludvig Sunström for the book recommendation.

     Pretty much the only thing I know about Ceasar is that he was a dictator. The only thing I know about Rome is that they had big shields and gladiators. In fact, I learned about the sheild thing from the movie Gladiator. As awesome an actor as Russell Crowe is, history is not learned best through hollywood. I'm hoping to kill two birds with one stone here, to learn more about the world's first Republic, and to learn about the Man who's assassination marked the beginning of the end for the world's first Republic.

2) Steve Jobs 

     Probably just like every other American of my generation (read: millenial), I've had a fascination with the "great visionary of Apple," Steve Jobs. I've read this biography a few times before, but I've not taken notes on it. I will be paying special attention to the traits that make up Steve Jobs, and will take special consideration of the ones I may perhaps like to emulate.

3) iWoz

     While I'm rather familiar with Steve Jobs, I know next to nothing about Steve Wozniak. It seems only fair that I take a look at the brains of Apple if I'm going to be studying it's face.

4) The Law of Success

     It looks big and dense. I am honestly intimidated by the size of this book. I've handled college textbooks that were smaller than this. This book looks like it may take a little longer than two weeks. But that's ok. I have smaller, less dense books on this book list that will take less time to read , so it will balance out in the end.

Again, this reccomendation comes from a post at Start Gaining Momentum.

5) Arnold: The Education of a Body Builder

     Seems like required reading for anyone who wants big muscles. The few passages I've skimmed from it are extremely motivating. They make me want to get off my ass and go kill it in the gym. And if it makes Victor Pride's reading list, there's no reason it shouldn't be on mine.

6) The Slight Edge

     I bought this book during a short stint with Amway. Yes, that Amway. Pyramid scheme aside, the people at Amway do read useful books, if only to put their own spin on it. But the principles can be applied to anything, not just getting someone to see "the plan." I've read this book before, but without taking any notes. 

7) Think and Grow Rich

     Another one of Victor's approved resources. Everywhere I've read a review for this book I've read nothing but positivity. I've had it for a few months now, but I've never read it. I feel like I've been doing myself a great diservice.

8) King Warrior Magician Lover

     I heard about this book from Mike's post on the unconscious at Danger and Play. A fan of Meyers-Briggs personality types (created by standing on Carl Jung's shoulders), as well as archetypes in general (from story tropes to the metaphysical), this book ignited interest in me immediately. I devoured this book the day it arrived. I would like to read it again, this time savouring it a bit more, thinking about it a little more deeply, and taking some notes in the process.

9) The Road Less Traveled

     I first found this book on a shelf in the psychology class I took my Junior year of highschool. The entire time I was reading it, all I could think about was how utterly profound it was. After I finished reading it, I found it as an audiobook on YouTube and listened to that. I've since forgotten much of what I learned from that book, but I am eager to begin reading it again, this time taking notes on the powerful lessons therein.

10) How to Win Friends and Influence People

     Another book that was on the Amway reading list. I suspect that reading this book and applying what I learn from it will definitely help reach my income goals for my sales job. Everything I've heard about Dale Carenige's works has been extremely positive as well.

11) How to Stop Worrying and Start Living

    Another Dale Carnegie title, I bought this book when I realized that I was having anxiety issues. I read the first few chapters of the book, applied what I needed, and then, when my anxiety stopped, I stopped reading it. I would like to revisit the book and take notes that I can easily navigate if ever I begin to suffer from anxiety like that again.

12) Rich Dad Poor Dad

     It seems like everybody has an opinion about this book, even if the only thing they know about it is the title (which I guess was the point). I found a copy of this at my school's library when I was 16. It was the first place I was introduced to the idea that having a job was an absolutely bullshit if you ever wanted to make real money. While I never truly took the idea to heart, it was stuck in the back of my mind until, one day, 2 years later, I stumbled accross Bold and Determined. It was here I saw that not only was living without a job a possibility, but that it was possible. Today, anyone with an internet connection can create and sustain a profitable business. I want to reread this book to pick up any nuggets of wisdom that I may have missed or forgotten my first time around.

13) Ender's Game

I know. It's fiction. 

I know. It's science fiction. 

It's the domain of dweebs and geeks, neckbeards and manchildren that never outgrow their own childish fantasy-land filled with aliens, robots, and laser guns. 

Except Science Fiction predicted today's culture of civilian surveillance, political correctness, and first-world frivolity.

Huh. Maybe it's not so childish after all.

     Thematically, Ender's Game is an effective discourse and exploration of the psyche of those considered gifted and those considered leaders. It explores the psychic damge wrought on by the loneliness, alienation, and expectations that many great men have faced.

     When I first read this book my freshman year of highschool, I could relate greatly to the loneliness that Ender felt. I want to read this again, to see how I relate to Ender now, as well as see what new themes I manage to pick up on.

     These next few books are practical, how-to books that I've been sitting on top of for quite awhile. There's an obvious theme of coding and game creation if you read the titles and know what Blender and Unity are.

14) Learning Python with Raspberry Pi

     The second person I was rooming with when I moved out bought me a Raspberry Pi for my 19th birthday. I ordered this book from Barnes and Noble afterwards. It's a step-by-step project book using Pythong to program the Pi. I've always wanted to learn Python, but have yet to sit down and actually do anything with this book.

15) HTML and CSS

     I've always fancied myself having an eye for design. I can appreciate a well-designed site layout when I see one, and I've always wanted to try my hand at web design. I bought this book with this in mind. Now it's just a matter of acually doing it (the hard part).

16) Game Character Creation with Blender and Unity

     I believe I recieved this book one year either for Christmas of my Birthday while I was still living with my parents (before I moved back in). I remember being excited and diving headfirst into this book, but I quickly lost interest when I discovered that required a modest amount of *gasp* hard work and discipline! :O

17, 18, 19, 20)  ?  ?  ?

So what about the last 4 books? 

     The blogs I read are always suggesting great books that I've never heard of, or books that I've seen but held off on picking up. I know there are even some awesome ebooks floating around that are absolultely free.

     So I'm not worried. I'll find some more good books before long. Whenever I make a decision on what to read, this book list will be updated and I'll continue on my reading conquest.

Real Estate

Fuck it.

I don't want to be a Real Estate Agent. 

I never did.

     The only fucking reason I started these classes was so it would sound like I was doing something whenever somebody I didn't know or care about asks me "so what are you doing?" 

     What does it matter that I'm not going to college, or not working some shit job I hate just like everyone else? Why do I feel the need to impress people that aren't that impressive themselves? 

I shouldn't be trying to impress anyone, much less the mediocre!

Holding the pretention that I'm trying to become a Real Estate Agent has been making me ill. It's a lie, and it eats away at me every time I tell someone that. 

So fuck it.

Let's drop that pretention. 

I don't want it anymore.

I never did. 

Mood

Today I was feeling kind of shitty.

     I've been much less productive with this "blog" than I wanted to. I only got through half of my new workout routine lastnight. I've been procrastinating on my Real Estate Classes for months now, even though I told myself I was going to start them up again with the advent of this blog.

I let my mind focus on the negative things without even once giving a thought to the little victories I've accomplished.

For one, I started this blog. Ever since I wrote my 20 Goals down, my behaviour has been shifting more and more in line with what I want to accomplish.

 I haven't skipped a workout. Every day I tell myself "I'm going to the gym," I go to the gym.

I had a succesful first shift with my new canvassing job.

But these thoughts never entered my mind. 

     Aside from the negative thoughts, I did very little today. I made a large to-do list lastnight, before I went to bed. But between the unnatural brain-fog I experienced due to a large dose of melatonin pills, and the sedentary state I put myself in when I woke up and skipped my morning routine, I had done very little of it.

The thing that turned my day around?

I had to get ready for work.

I took my cold shower, got dressed, figured out where I needed to go, and suddenly realized I felt ten times better in that moment than I did 20 minutes ago. 

I didn't neccesarily want to do these things. But I had to.

I despise the fact that it was an external factor that forced me into action. But it's still a fact. I can recognize the lesson here. 

My mood is in my control. 

It was the actions that I took that caused my mood to change. These actions were simple, and cost me very little in the way of willpower; I do these things every day.

Of course, I knew this before. The sites I visit and the books I read have gone through this topic again and again. But understanding it and doing it are night and day apart.

Now that I've experienced, it will be easier to follow this course of action in the future.

The Reasons for Each Goal

Before I Turn 20, I Want to....

1) Get paid to write an article

     Why shouldn't I get paid to write? Writing is something that comes fairly naturally to me, though my "skill" right now is mostly just talent. I have not sharpended my skill past anything I wrote in highschool. Learning to make compelling copy is a skill that I can monetize. Leaning proper grammar and how to edit is another skill that is easily leveraged for dollars. Many people sell SEO services on fiverr. And of course, my own projects will only increase in quality if I can write well. Getting paid for all this means I can make money doing something that I am interested in, and most of all it means no shitty W2 wage-slave job. 

2) Write a short story

     Fiction writing seems like it would be the most rewarding kind of writing. I have had many ideas running in my head, fragments of stories that never go beyond just that, fragments. If I ever want to get good at telling stories, I need to get started with it soon.

3) Make and upload a unique flash game

    Much of my childhood was spent playing time-wasting flash games on whatever flash portals I could find. Since I was younger, I've always wanted to "make games." With the advent of things like Flixel and FlashPunk, there is no reason I should not have made a game yet, especcially when someone else has already proved that it's very possible. 

4) Build a website

     I've always secretley thought to myself that maybe I have an eye for design. Sometimes if I visit an especially well designed website, I'll sit therefor a few minutes, drooling over it. I'll mouse over everything, trying to get a feel it all. I often get jealous of all the awesome websites, website layouts, etc. others have made that I have not. Of course, when I investigate the website's code, I understand none of it, as I've never taken the time to learn proper coding. In order to build a website, I will have to learn how to code. Ditto for any games I want to make.

5) Succesfully finish 30 Days of Discipline

     Since I was 18, I have attempted, time and time again, VIctor Pride's 30 Days of Discipline. I have never kept it up past the 2nd week. I miss too many habits, tell myself I'm useless, get depressed and give up. Indeed, since I graduated highschool, I would guess that 1/3 to 1/2 of my time since then I have spent in depression. In order to be succesful with 30 Days, I must first rid myself of the negativity and the thought patterns that lead me to depression in the firstplace, or otherwise continue on through sheer force of will (kind of the point to 30 Days of Discipline). 

6) Document game ideas/other ideas

     This was originally 2 seperate goals. They are very similar, and rather minor, so I have put them together as 1 goal. Which means I now need a 20th goal.

     This goals is mostly a goal about my commonplace. I have hade one since the beggining of the year, but it has since fell into disuse. My plan is to revitalize my interest in it, and wells as force myself to go decide which ideas I have that are worth executing. I have plenty of ideas. Since highschool I have always carried around and kept a small moleskine notebook to put ideas in. I have filled up 2 of these small moleskines, as well as collected many scraps and pages of paper with ideas that I jotted down quickly when I was without a notebook. Some of these ideas are fucking awesome. Many are not. While I am looking back through this all, I will look with a critical eye and decide what is worth keeping and what is not.

7) Learn to crack an egg with one hand

Learning this skill is vital for future plans.

8) Make $900 in lead-generation bonuses at work in a month

     I have just started a job with a solar company. My job is to go door to door and set up appointments for the engineering side of this company to come and install solar panels. For every on-site appointment lead, I earn a "comission" of 15 dollars. The expected "efficiency" of each worker is 3 on-site leads per every 4 hour shift. I have 5 of these shifts in a week. 3 leads per day, 5 days in a row is 15 leads per week, each with a 15 dollar commision, means that I should be earning 225 dollars in a week, or 900 per month (before taxes, of course. Ah, the joys of the W2 wage). 900 per month means that I am - at the very least - competent. When I reach this goal, I will likely stretch it out to a larger number. Until then, 900 is my goal.

9) MOVE OUT

     Weeks after I turned 18, I left my parent's place and moved in with my best friend (in highschool). Events and circumstances lead me to soon move in with another friend. Today, I am back to living with my parents. When I was "on my own," I felt much more free, much less stifled, even if the other environments were not quite healthy. I had jobs, I paid (a very modest) rent, had a girl to spend money on and time with, and a car with an insurance payment (eventually). I bought my own food (steak'n'eggs ftw), went to the gym, and I had to buy bus passes and learn bus routes to get to work before I had to pay gas and insurance on my car. It was the most responsibility I have ever held in my life. I genuinely felt like I had matured and grown from the person I was in highschool.

     Eventually, I moved back in with my parents. When I did, I reverted back to the way I used to be in highschool. I reinstalled my games on my computer. I began wasting time on the internet. I stopped reading, stopped exercising my body and my mind, and ate whatever processed shit was in the pantry. It was almost as if the entire year that I was away had never happened... While I am currently taking steps to correct this (read: this blog) I know that my growth here is limited. For my sake, I need to move out.

10) Get T levels checked

     When I was 18, eating steak and eggs, and working out like a fucking badass, I could literally feel myself becoming a man. I was dominant in bed (without trying), I walked like I had a reason to live, I could stare anybody in the eye without remorse. Today, at 19, I feel 1/10 of that. I'm now 19, and I feel like a boy, still suckling at the teat of protective parents. There is no doubt in my mind that I now have low testosterone. But I want to get my bloodwork done. As I alter my behaviour and grow as a man, I want to see the effect it has on my T levels, and I want to see if I can raise test naturally. Ideally I will do this sooner rather than later, and I will hopefully see a greater impact on my T levels.

11) Read and Summarize 20 books.

     I do not think that I currently posess the faculty to read 1 book per week. But I think I can definitely read 1 book per 2 weeks, or 2 books per month - with notes. But 2 books per month is 18 books, as I have 9 months before I turn 20. In keeping with the theme, I increased this to 20 books.

     Within this goal is a subgoal of three books in particular. These are tutorial-like books: Learning With Raspberry Pi, HTML and CSS, and Game Character Creation with Unity and Blender. These three books require that I read along and learn a skill, and are required reading for this goal.

12) Pay off APS

     The local school district paid for me to take college classes. College classes that I dropped out of. I now owe the state a tidy sum of a lot. That's a lot more than I have. Getting rid of this debt requires me to monitor my spending much more closely than I have in the past, and requires that I prioritize paying this off.

13) Pay off State Tax Debt

     I got a bill from the State declaring an outstanding balance that I owe them. I have no idea why. I suspect I filed my taxes incorrectly. Regardless, I am much more scared of this debt than I am of the APS debt. The state has much more authority when it comes to raping it's citizens for dollars.

14) Lift seriously Get Big

     Obviously I need to narrow down my exact goals for this. The vagueness of "get in shape" is the bane of many would-be fit people. I will detail my goals for this in a later post.

     Right now all I should be worrying about is eating a lot and getting to the gym. There is no such thing as a hardgainer. Just skinny guys with small appetites. I don't have a certain weight in mind, since I don't know what an optimal muscular weight would be. Something I need to research and decide.

15) Cover a song

     I've always wanted to. Even if it comes out shitty. It's something I've never done before and something that scares me. This is reason enough to attempt it, I think.

16) Get Real Estate License Try Nootropics

I never really wanted this.

Needs to be updated.

Ever since I learned about modafinil I've always been curious about nootropics. While I could never get my hands on modafinil, there are far more easier (and legal) ways to increase productivity without attempting to import a class IV substance. The People's Stack looks like a good starting point, and Pill Scout seems like a good resource for nootropic noobies.

17) Fix scooter

     When I was 17, my grandfather on my step-mom's side gave me a motorized scooter. Because I didn't have a license, I couldn't legally use it, but I did anyways. It became an object of contention (one of many) with my parents and I before I moved out. However, the thing that finally stopped me from using it was the fact that it stalled constantly. After a few episiodes of the thing dying in traffic - once while I was in the middle of an busy intersection - I put the thing in my parents garage and it's gathered dust since. I would like to fix it so that I can a) say that I did and b) use that to get around. It takes much less gas to run 50cc's (of KICKASS) than it does 6 cylinders.

18) Brew a batch of Beer and Mead

     I have it all right in front of me. It's all in my closet as I type. I've always wanted to learn how to do it. So why the fuck not?

19) Learn Pixel Art

     Since I was 16 I've had a love affair with Pixel Art. What people can do with a few pixels is incredible. Because each pixel is visible, the placement of it all is extremely important. The fewer pixels there are, the more important placement becomes. One pixel can make or break an entire piece. The general aesthetic is one of borrowed nostalgia, but today, there is so much more to pixel art than re-living the days of the NES. And pecause it requires no dextrous drawing talent, this was always the easiest form of visual art for me. I've picked up the pencil tool once or twice before, but never stuck to it. I want to stick it out and see what I can make.

20) Build an Online Business

Obviously I am missing a goal. Read goal 6's gray text. I will update asap.

Added: 8-17-2014

     After racking my brain over this new goal for awhile, I hadn't come up with any goal worth pursuing. I once again turned to the internet in my search for answers. I (once again) found myself browsing 30 Days to X. As I meandered Robert's his blog, I found a pocket of posts on building your own business and becoming an entrepreneur. It was reading this post that caused this desire to really click for me.

     I have a multitude of ideas for businesses. I've never taken the time to actually sit down and do them. Ideas are a dime a dozen. It's the execution of an idea that makes a business. By taking the time to execute, I will learn through experience what no amount of theory could ever teach. This first-hand knowledge is invaluable, and the sooner I try (and fail) making money off of any idea of mine, the sooner I will have success.

     I am restricting the business to an online business because the start-up costs for a website is dirt-cheap compared to that of basically any other business.

It Begins...

20 Things to do Before I Turn 20

The idea for this blog and challenge came from this post (and the post it links to) at 30 Days to X.

I am currently 19 years old. When I was 18, I basically felt invincible. Since then, my confidence and self-esteem has plummeted. I want it back. And I want to begin to right my path. No more of this meandering bullshit.

After reading Robert's posts, the lightbulb in my head went off, and I hastily began jotting down things that I wanted to do before I myself turned 20 years old. Halfway through I decided 20 things before 20 had a nice symmetry to it, so I stopped the list at 20.

These are all specific and measurable goals that I want to do. 

My birthday is the 21s of May. Today is the 15th of August. If my calculations are correct, today I have 279 days until I turn 20. There is no time to waste.

Let's get started.