Today is the last day of August first day of September. While this site hasn't been up for a month, I want to get in the habit of doing a monthly review of myself and make sure I'm on track to meet or exceed each one of my goals.
Two weeks ago I was wasting time with porn, videogames, and endless Netflix binges. I had allowed myself to stagnate, and as I result I was sinking into depression.
While I have stumbled a bit these past two weeks, I am maintaining course. At the very least I've established where I want to go.
If I'm being completely honest with myself, right now I lack true vigor for attaining these goals. I have yet to obtain the obsession I had once before. Very often I must force myself to act in line with my goals. My actions are forced; my heart is not in it. But I know in time this will get easier. My fire will grow. I will once again become obsessed.
I have faith.
For now, all I can do is keep grinding. Everything's a slog. Even a rebirth.
I let myself lose some momentum, and I know it. I talked myself out of going to the gym and eating junk.
"I've been doing pretty good. I can take a day off, it wont hurt," I told myself in a feeble attempt to justify my actions. Even though I rationalized my decision, I knew it was bullshit. Cognitive dissonance was quickly acheived.
Processed foods are filled with all sorts of nasty chemicals, added for flavour and as preservatives. If eating fruits and veggies make you less depressed, it's not a stretch to infer that the opposite is true, and without a workout, my body was not treated to it's daily dose of dopamine. With nothing to combat the toxicity of the junk I ate, I was in a noticeably darker mood the next day.
I put myself in the perfect position for my black dog to rear it's ugly head, and it did so gladly and ruthelessly.
Negative thoughts spiraled through my mind. Who am I to think I deserve better than average? I am average! I'm below average! Do I really believe a silly little blogger site will change anything for me? It's all a waste. I should stop now, before I embarress myself...
Fuck that!
Days like this are going to happen. There will always be good days and bad days. I should expect this sort of thing, especially right now, early in this quest for self-accomplishment. Objects at rest tend to stay at rest. Right now I'm fighting a brain heavily entrenched in homeostasis.
I am simply experiencing friction.
Napolean Hill taught me that the most common cause of failure is giving up when met with a temporary defeat. All defeats are temporary. The road to success is littered with failure. The only true failure is giving up.
I am 20 pages in HTML and CSS. Page 20 is the first page with code on it.
HTML is actually rather simple to understand. Of course, I am still very new to it. The only tags I have utilized so far are the paragraph, body, heading, bold, and italic tags.
I've also learned about strong tags, and tags for emphasis. These are considered semantic markup, and even though they are bolded and italicized, they are used mostly for the benefit they might bring for people using screen-readers, or how the information is registered on search engines, and should not be used for their visible effect on the text.
Today is the 25th of August. That means the day I started to learn HTML, there were 269 days before I turn 20.
C2H60 is truly a miracle substance.
Many attribute Benjamin Franklin to saying Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. While it makes for good shop-lore for micro brewers of America, in reality Benjamin Franklin said this:
Behold the rain which descends from heaven upon our vineyards, there it enters the roots of the vines, to be changed into wine, a constant proof that God loves us, and loves to see us happy.
Black Science Guy is an American astrophysicist, popular for being a science guy and being black at the same time.
NASA has done some crazy space shit. Like Sputnik. That shit was crazy.
The following information is true false: This statment is false true.
Wow.
This page has quickly deteriorated into nothing but a mis-mash of entirely irrelevant material, scraps of thoughts, and musings that aren't even that original and would serve no purpose anywhere else in this blog. This page is like Frankenstein's Monster, created from the discarded and disused thoughts that run in my head, remnants of the time weeksaeonsago when I would spend countless hours aimlessly drifting through the interwebs, restlessly flitting between porn sites, wandering the Isle of Funny Junk, exploring the Land of Steam, and curiously training my eyes on the Jungle of 4Chan, walking on the edge but never venturing far into its unknown. I call this peiod of time my Dark Age .
In HTML, there are three types of lists.
Ordered Lists
Unordered Lists
Definition Lists
Ordered Lists
Lists that order listed items numerically
Unordered Lists
Lists that are not ordered, using bullet points in place of numerals
Definition Lists
A list that lists and defines terms, like this one
This list
was done
from memory
This nested list
was not
Still a victory
I will be updating this post as I learn more. Here I will document the the tags I learn to use.
6 chapters until CSS! The next chapter is on links
Also, started up on Code Academy today. Learning about links now, just like in chapter 4.
Looking to learn some code yourself? (Opens a new tab.)
Superscripts and subscripts.
Bold, italics.
Headings.
Line breaks and line rules.
Emphasis and strong importance.
Quotes (which don't work in Internet Explorer) and blockquotes, which I think look nicer anyways.
Abbreviation and acronym titles. With HTML 5, acronyms use the same tag as abbreviations.
Citing tags, deleted and inserted content, and defining instances of the first use of a term.
the < s > tag: innacurate information that is no longer true but that should not be deleted.
Lists. This should have taken me half an hour to accomplish. Instead I dragged this out for three days.
Links. Links to other sites, other sites in new tabs, other places on the same site (no example shown), other places on the same page.
Images. Alt text to provide info if the reader cannot view the image for some reason. Title to write what shows up on mouse hover. Can specify width and height. Align tags may show up in older code. Figure and Caption tags used to associate pics with specific captions.
I found an old essay I wrote for an assignment during my brief period of community college. Let's take a look at the mindset I once held...
Here are some key quotes from it, to give you an idea how I once thought.
" " "
Nothing beats the finality of death. When I lay dead, that's it. There is no more that I can do in this life. I'm done... I whisper to myself "memento mori" - remember death. This simple reminder reinvigorates my burning desire for accomplishment, and renews my spirits in the war with the entropic forces of Sloth.
The most important thing to me... is independence... My time is gold. My time is finite. Trading time for an hourly wage is like selling gold for its weight in pennies. The money that I make independently and autonomously is worth ten times the money I that I make as an employee.
The projects I will pursue will be the projects that I choose and want to pursue. I will be working towards my vision.That freedom alone is worth the lack of job security and other benefits that comes with being self-employed.
The soul is restricted by the physical and mental limitations of the human body. By keeping my body healthy, and by extent keeping my mind sharp, I am minimizing the limitations of my body and maximizing the potential output of my soul.
" " "
When I was 18 there was a fire raging inside me, a burning obsession, and I wasn't afraid to show it. This essay was only 1 part of the assignment. The other part was a presentation to the rest of the class.
I stood in front of my peers and told them the exact same thing.
Here are some selected slides from my presentation.
Fun Fact: I created that hourglass from scratch in MS Paint. Pixel Art Skills = l33t
What happened to me? Compared to 18 Year Old me, 19 Year Old me is a fucking pussy.
I was ready to kill. Now I can hardly focuse myself.
These are the books that are going to make up my reading list for the next 10 months. 20 books in 10 months means about 1 book read every 2 weeks. This may seem a little long, but I also expect to be taking notes and writing a summary for each book as well.
Pretty much the only thing I know about Ceasar is that he was a dictator. The only thing I know about Rome is that they had big shields and gladiators. In fact, I learned about the sheild thing from the movie Gladiator. As awesome an actor as Russell Crowe is, history is not learned best through hollywood. I'm hoping to kill two birds with one stone here, to learn more about the world's first Republic, and to learn about the Man who's assassination marked the beginning of the end for the world's first Republic.
2) Steve Jobs
Probably just like every other American of my generation (read: millenial), I've had a fascination with the "great visionary of Apple," Steve Jobs. I've read this biography a few times before, but I've not taken notes on it. I will be paying special attention to the traits that make up Steve Jobs, and will take special consideration of the ones I may perhaps like to emulate.
3) iWoz
While I'm rather familiar with Steve Jobs, I know next to nothing about Steve Wozniak. It seems only fair that I take a look at the brains of Apple if I'm going to be studying it's face.
4) The Law of Success
It looks big and dense. I am honestly intimidated by the size of this book. I've handled college textbooks that were smaller than this. This book looks like it may take a little longer than two weeks. But that's ok. I have smaller, less dense books on this book list that will take less time to read , so it will balance out in the end.
Seems like required reading for anyone who wants big muscles. The few passages I've skimmed from it are extremely motivating. They make me want to get off my ass and go kill it in the gym. And if it makes Victor Pride's reading list, there's no reason it shouldn't be on mine.
6) The Slight Edge
I bought this book during a short stint with Amway. Yes, thatAmway. Pyramid scheme aside, the people at Amway do read useful books, if only to put their own spin on it. But the principles can be applied to anything, not just getting someone to see "the plan." I've read this book before, but without taking any notes.
7) Think and Grow Rich
Another one of Victor's approved resources. Everywhere I've read a review for this book I've read nothing but positivity. I've had it for a few months now, but I've never read it. I feel like I've been doing myself a great diservice.
8) King Warrior Magician Lover
I heard about this book from Mike's post on the unconscious at Danger and Play. A fan of Meyers-Briggs personality types (created by standing on Carl Jung's shoulders), as well as archetypes in general (from story tropes to the metaphysical), this book ignited interest in me immediately. I devoured this book the day it arrived. I would like to read it again, this time savouring it a bit more, thinking about it a little more deeply, and taking some notes in the process.
9) The Road Less Traveled
I first found this book on a shelf in the psychology class I took my Junior year of highschool. The entire time I was reading it, all I could think about was how utterly profound it was. After I finished reading it, I found it as an audiobook on YouTube and listened to that. I've since forgotten much of what I learned from that book, but I am eager to begin reading it again, this time taking notes on the powerful lessons therein.
10) How to Win Friends and Influence People
Another book that was on the Amway reading list. I suspect that reading this book and applying what I learn from it will definitely help reach my income goals for my sales job. Everything I've heard about Dale Carenige's works has been extremely positive as well.
11) How to Stop Worrying and Start Living
Another Dale Carnegie title, I bought this book when I realized that I was having anxiety issues. I read the first few chapters of the book, applied what I needed, and then, when my anxiety stopped, I stopped reading it. I would like to revisit the book and take notes that I can easily navigate if ever I begin to suffer from anxiety like that again.
12) Rich Dad Poor Dad
It seems like everybody has an opinion about this book, even if the only thing they know about it is the title (which I guess was the point). I found a copy of this at my school's library when I was 16. It was the first place I was introduced to the idea that having a job was an absolutely bullshit if you ever wanted to make real money. While I never truly took the idea to heart, it was stuck in the back of my mind until, one day, 2 years later, I stumbled accross Bold and Determined. It was here I saw that not only was living without a job a possibility, but that it was possible. Today, anyone with an internet connection can create and sustain a profitable business. I want to reread this book to pick up any nuggets of wisdom that I may have missed or forgotten my first time around.
13) Ender's Game
I know. It's fiction.
I know. It's science fiction.
It's the domain of dweebs and geeks, neckbeards and manchildren that never outgrow their own childish fantasy-land filled with aliens, robots, and laser guns.
Thematically, Ender's Game is an effective discourse and exploration of the psyche of those considered giftedand those considered leaders. It explores the psychic damge wrought on by the loneliness, alienation, and expectations that manygreatmen have faced.
When I first read this book my freshman year of highschool, I could relate greatly to the loneliness that Ender felt. I want to read this again, to see how I relate to Ender now, as well as see what new themes I manage to pick up on.
These next few books are practical, how-to books that I've been sitting on top of for quite awhile. There's an obvious theme of coding and game creation if you read the titles and know what Blender and Unity are.
14) Learning Python with Raspberry Pi
The second person I was rooming with when I moved out bought me a Raspberry Pi for my 19th birthday. I ordered this book from Barnes and Noble afterwards. It's a step-by-step project book using Pythong to program the Pi. I've always wanted to learn Python, but have yet to sit down and actually do anything with this book.
15) HTML and CSS
I've always fancied myself having an eye for design. I can appreciate a well-designed site layout when I see one, and I've always wanted to try my hand at web design. I bought this book with this in mind. Now it's just a matter of acually doing it (the hard part).
16) Game Character Creation with Blender and Unity
I believe I recieved this book one year either for Christmas of my Birthday while I was still living with my parents (before I moved back in). I remember being excited and diving headfirst into this book, but I quickly lost interest when I discovered that required a modest amount of *gasp* hard work and discipline! :O
17, 18, 19, 20) ? ? ?
So what about the last 4 books?
The blogs I read are always suggesting great books that I've never heard of, or books that I've seen but held off on picking up. I know there are even some awesome ebooks floating around that are absolultely free.
So I'm not worried. I'll find some more good books before long. Whenever I make a decision on what to read, this book list will be updated and I'll continue on my reading conquest.
The only fucking reason I started these classes was so it would sound like I was doing something whenever somebody I didn't know or care about asks me "so what are you doing?"
What does it matter that I'm not going to college, or not working some shit job I hate just like everyone else? Why do I feel the need to impress people that aren't that impressive themselves?
I shouldn't be trying to impress anyone, much less the mediocre!
Holding the pretention that I'm trying to become a Real Estate Agent has been making me ill. It's a lie, and it eats away at me every time I tell someone that.
I've been much less productive with this "blog" than I wanted to. I only got through half of my new workout routine lastnight. I've been procrastinating on my Real Estate Classes for months now, even though I told myself I was going to start them up again with the advent of this blog.
I let my mind focus on the negative things without even once giving a thought to the little victories I've accomplished.
For one, I started this blog. Ever since I wrote my 20 Goals down, my behaviour has been shifting more and more in line with what I want to accomplish.
I haven't skipped a workout. Every day I tell myself "I'm going to the gym," I go to the gym.
I had a succesful first shift with my new canvassing job.
But these thoughts never entered my mind.
Aside from the negative thoughts, I did very little today. I made a large to-do list lastnight, before I went to bed. But between the unnatural brain-fog I experienced due to a large dose of melatonin pills, and the sedentary state I put myself in when I woke up and skipped my morning routine, I had done very little of it.
The thing that turned my day around?
I had to get ready for work.
I took my cold shower, got dressed, figured out where I needed to go, and suddenly realized I felt ten times better in that moment than I did 20 minutes ago.
I didn't neccesarily want to do these things. But I had to.
I despise the fact that it was an external factor that forced me into action. But it's still a fact. I can recognize the lesson here.
My mood is in my control.
It was the actions that I took that caused my mood to change. These actions were simple, and cost me very little in the way of willpower; I do these things every day.
Of course, I knew this before. The sites I visit and the books I read have gone through this topic again and again. But understanding it and doing it are night and day apart.
Now that I've experienced, it will be easier to follow this course of action in the future.
